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Melissa Febos Reclaims Creativity and Desire in New Memoir After Year of Celibacy

Febos reframes abstinence as a tool for personal empowerment grounded in enthusiastic consent

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Overview

  • What began as a planned three-month break from sex evolved into a yearlong practice after Febos grew weary of performative intimacy
  • She reports that abstinence boosted her vitality and creative energy by creating space to understand her authentic desires
  • Febos draws on the example of medieval Beguines to show how choosing celibacy can free women from male-centered societal norms
  • A platonic bond with a younger queer friend named Ray helped her distinguish between feeling desire and acting on it
  • She urges readers to have sex only when they genuinely want to, defining love as enthusiastic consent